Well a stay at home dad made the front page of The Dallas Morning News. The name of the article was “Daddy’s New Job.” In a nut shell, this dad had to shut down his business, bring the kids home from day care, while the wife continued her job as a civil engineer. The article also talks about how he went into a funk, using the television for a babysitter, sitting on the couch all day, and his transition to accepting his new role. So this makes me want to ask the question, why are you a stay at home dad?
For me it was both choice and circumstance. When we found out Adriana was pregnant, we made the decision that one of us would stay at home with the baby. As time went on I knew that I wanted to be the one to stay home. As we got close to the due date, it became obvious that I would be staying home. She made more money and had way better benefits. If it had been the other way around, I probably would not be writing this post.
I have been at home now for four years. There have been plenty of times when I fall into a funk. Television is on all day. Nothing is getting done around the house. Then it takes a huge argument to get me out of it. During those funks, I also get to feeling guilty. First off I hate the fact that I have let my wife and kids down. Then I feel like Adriana should be the one at home (like I stole something from her). I feel like I should be the one working hard to put food on the table. The best way to get out of a funk, start moving, take the kids for a walk, to the park. Just get moving.
Men and women are wired differently. I have no question that Adriana could come in here and do a way better job then me. I am not a mom. I am not trying to be a mom. I am a dad, a stay at home dad.
Back to the news article, the father plans on going back to work. It also mentioned that census reports 140k sahds in America. Other professionals report the number should be closer to 2mil. That is a huge gap. I think it is closer to 2mil. The numbers of sahds will more then likely go down after the job market opens back up.
Here are some links the article recommended:
Here is one I would like to add:
So please share your story, leave a comment on why you are a stay at home dad.
Much like you, we knew early on that I would be the one to stay home with the kids because my wife made more and had better benefits and daycare would cost us more than I brought home in a year (we had triplets). You’re absolutely right about getting out of that funk. Get out with the kids, take a walk, go to the park, go to the mall, whatever. I’ve found that if I keep moving I feel better about staying home. And don’t let the comments get to you. I once had a woman ask me if I was okay with the fact that i was doing a woman’s work. At the time it bothered me. Since then I’ve come to realize that I’m not doing a woman’s work, I can’t, I’m a man. I’m doing a father’s work, and I’m doing as good a job as a new mother would. I’m not perfect and I’m going to make mistakes. Moms make mistakes too. Once I realized and accepted those simple facts, I was able to focus on being the best father and husband I could be, and we’ve become a much better family for it.
The comments I usually got were “is daddy on his day off,” “so you’re like a house-husband,” and “Mr. Mom.” I don’t think it ever bothered me. I do remember thinking to myself what idiots those people were for saying those things. I do sometimes feel like I am getting the “look” from other moms when I am out and about. Like I am invading their space or something. I would have to say you got thrown into the lions den with triplets. I can not even imagine what that would have been like. I had two years to prepare for the second. My wife reassures me that we made the right decision. That really helps me get over any guilt that I might have. Every day is a new day, learn from your mistakes, and keep on moving on.